Ambrose Bierce, an American in the 19th century, an underrated writer (of ghost stories and Civil war experiences) and famous for his Devil's Dictionary. My other half was reading out some quotes to me so thought I'd share them!
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Twice, adv. Once too often.
Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.
Congratulation, n. The civility of envy
Taken from: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ambrose_Bierce
